Passion's Abyss
by MissteressSnape
Summary: This is a short story told from Severus Snape POV. He tells us about passion, and what it does to us.


Disclaimer: Severus Snape and Hermione Granger do not belong to me, nor do any of the other Harry Potter charters. I would also like to say that the excerpts about passion from Severus' journal are a voice over I borrowed from BTVS.  
  
Passion's Abyss  
  
The red and gold rays of dawn fought a loosing battle against the mist that shrouded Hogwarts. It seemed as if even the weather knew of her departure, and the emptiness it would cause. Hermione was the light to his darkness, and she would be leaving.  
  
No longer would her laughter fill the halls of the only place either of them could call home. The only place Severus had ever belonged, was needed. True he was under Doumbledore's rule, but still he could pretend. Hermione made him want to live. He would never be free of his past, yet she had been the only one to help him forget; and soon she would be gone. Possibly forever.  
  
Deep within the dungeons all that was heard was a soft scratching of quill on parchment. Before the Potions Master sat a journal, the only place he could fill with his inner self. The only one that accepted him; even in his darkness. The only place his dreams of a life with Hermione could be made real.  
  
'That's not entirely true, now is it Severus?' Hadn't she embraced him? Defended him when everyone else called him a monster. When they said he was an insufferable bastard and that no one could love him. Hermione had accepted him, all of him. He had no regrets of his past in her presence; he was whole, loved.  
  
Severus dipped the quill once more in the Slytherin green ink determined to add something more to the page than just the date. And so he let his thoughts flow uninhabited onto the page, the way her love had flowed over him. She had washed away his pain, and loss, his nightmares.  
  
June 21, 1998  
  
Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...  
  
Severus was never one to be ruled by his emotions. So many had said that he was callous. Yet, that wasn't the whole truth. There were many things he loved and admired. Before he could even read, Severus could be found in the library among the books. Always there alone, the books his only solace, until he was a toddler.  
  
That was when Severus started to journey outdoors, in search of all the plants found in his most beloved book of magical herbs. He spent hours outside, often times forgetting to come into dinner. That was when Severus' father began to scold him, sometimes beating him.  
  
Later on after his first year at Hogwarts, he became fascinated with potions. Adain Snape, his father, had been a Potions Master at one time. There was a fully stocked lab underneath Snape Manor. Severus no longer found comfort in his books, or the outdoors, now his only passion was his brews.  
  
Quite often in the beginning Severus had blown up, or melted a cauldron. This caused severe abuse from his father. That was when the will to succeed won him over; becoming the only thing to drive him, possess him.  
  
Nothing seemed to stir feeling in him after this. It was as if all of his emotions lay sleeping inside of him, never to wake. Not the beatings his father gave him, or the verbal abuse of his mother could rouse anything. He was unflinching, unbending. Withdrawing deeper into himself with each blow.  
  
Waiting...  
  
His need to prove himself, belong, gripped him tighter as a teenager. Children can be cruel, and Severus was an easy target. He hadn't ever bothered to take his nose out of his books. His obsession with power, fame and glory had grown too large for him to control. It was an unchainable monster.  
  
When those his own age shunned him, he became part of a dark inner circle. A Deatheater, one of Voldemort's lap dogs. Severus became the Dark one that everyone feared him to be. Emotionless, barren, and lost to the light; for what he thought was forever. Yet it was a place for him to hide, deep within the darkness. The only place that wanted him.  
  
Severus Snape had allowed his passion for learning to be overcome by his passion to belong. All of us are human, and can be tempted by one thing or another. We all want something, and The Dark Lord knew what Severus' something was. There is nothing more tempting then promises of acceptance.  
  
And though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open its jaws, and howl.  
  
The years he spent among the ranks of The Dark Lord's army were as cold and bleak as winter. They weren't filled with the fame or glory Severus was promised. Death, only death filled those six years of his young life.  
  
With every dark act he committed he fell further into the abyss. Became all the things he was taught to hate. He was truly defeated. The evil of his acts drew a heavy curtain of black velvet across his soul. Threatening to take hold of him for all time.  
  
All the killings, and beatings, and rapes. They seemed to be an every day occurrence in the ranks of the Deatheaters. It wasn't the war that he was told they would fight. Severus thought this was about a better wizarding world, a place were all would be right. A Wizard Utopia.  
  
The only thing he had ever wanted was a place to fit in, a place to call home. Where all that wanted to learn, loved learning as he did would be held in esteem. A place for proud wizards.  
  
It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?  
  
That was when Severus Snape did the unthinkable. Vowing never again to perform any of the unforgivable curses, especially the killing curse. He sought out the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Knowing it would mean his life if he was found out. How bad could death possibly be? Hadn't he, Severus Snape, sentenced others to that same fate? After all there would be no one to mourn for him. He would die a martyr, and never be remembered as a villain. As the Dark One, that people came to fear.  
  
Thus, started his career as a Potions Master, and spy. He dealt with all the "Dunderheads", becoming the most feared professor at Hogwarts. Day in and day out he lead a double life, with nothing for himself. Never knowing which day would be his last.  
  
Severus' only thoughts were of normalcy. Something he had never known. Yet now he dared to dream; all because of Hermione Granger. Were once he was consumed by darkness; now he only sought the light. Her light. Hermione's goodness, and innocence. He would have once sought to steal such innocence, yet now all Severus wanted was to treasure it.  
  
Hermione had always been just part of the Dream Team to him. Yet, fate had something else in store for him; for them. Slowly Severus found himself intrigued by her mind, how she was never selfish in her knowledge. That was when passion sprung its trap.  
  
Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love...  
  
That night less than a year ago, at the Yule Ball seems now but a dream. She was beautiful, a vision. She shone like a harvest moon, so bright that even the stars paled before her.  
  
There within the shadows he stood, watching as always. The dark sentinel. The evening was moving in slow motion, and Miss Ganger was nowhere in site. He had spotted Potter and Weasley from the onset; yet Granger was missing. There was an air about the two boys that Severus Snape couldn't ignore.  
  
Every time they looked his way, conspiratorial looks past between them. As if they knew something, it was then as the room stilled that he knew their little secret. There in the doorway to the Great Hall stood the Gryffindor goddess, as he so loving called her often after that evening.  
  
Severus noticed how she had grown, and blossomed over her seven years. Where there once was a mess of bushy hair, was now a beautiful mass of honeyed ringlets. She was no longer the little know-it-all, and he wasn't the only male to notice. There was a slight pang of jealousy as some of the boys went up to her.  
  
Jealousy was the first emotion he had felt towards another in ages. There was always anger, or pity; but never anything like she stirred in him. Severus had caught himself being unpredictable around her lately. Somehow Hermione was under his skin, and he never wanted her to leave.  
  
Hermione dismissed them with a casual ease, which only came with self- confidence. He watched like a deer caught in headlights, as she made her way across the room to where he stood. The world stood still, and his heart seemed to stop.  
  
"Care to dance, Professor?" There was a bright smile on her face. He still remembered the sound of her voice, the smell of her perfume. It was like walking into a garden of wild roses.  
  
There was a hesitance about him, one that wasn't normally there. Yet when he looked to the Headmaster for help, all he got was a trademark wink. For once he wished the headmaster would step in, and stop what was about to happen.  
  
What was it that Hermione had called Doumbledore when he told her of the headmaster's actions. 'Wizard Pimp' that was it. This only brought more memories to the surface. Hermione had such a time explaining what the term meant in the "Muggle" world. Severus laughed so hard, tears streamed from his eyes.  
  
Hermione led him onto the dance floor, and placed his hands on her waist. The music slowed and they moved as if they were made for each other. No longer able to bear the slight distance between them, Severus pulled her closer.  
  
...the clarity of hatred...  
  
From that night forward, she had taken him from the darkness of passion's abyss, and brought Severus into the light. They spent every moment they could together, every Hogsmead weekend, every weekend for that matter.  
  
Yet that was not the only thing that brought him back. Her laugher, which was like velvet and candlelight. Her smile, like the sun after a rainstorm. Hermione gave him all of her, never withdrawing when he offered all of himself. She loved him as much as he loved her, despite his tainted past.  
  
Hermione showed him a world of color and emotion. Taught Severus, the professor, what it was like to be whole again. In return she learned that books aren't the only place to gain knowledge and insight.  
  
When the second war against the Dark Lord took place, Hermione pleaded with him, "Please, Severus, stop spying. If anything ever happened I would choose to follow you." Her voice trembled with unshed tears.  
  
"Hermione, understand..." Severus tried to choose his words carefully, "My life is but a small price to pay so that others may live."  
  
"I won't let that happen! Dumbledore cannot just toss you into the lion's den." The tears were falling freely now, and Severus took her into the shelter of his arms. "He treats you no better than a house elf." There was such sorrow in her voice it pulled at his heartstrings.  
  
Comfort was all he could try to give her now. Because what Hermione was asking of him, he could never give. She wanted to fight along side of him. Be there for him, Severus Snape, a Deatheater. A soft smile played across his lips, as he realized that she humbled him. A "Pure Blood".  
  
Severus let her cry for what seemed like hours in his arms. Hermione was in a haze of despair as he picked up the invisibility cloak, a gift from Potter, and wrapped her in it. Slowly they made their way to Gryffindor tower, Severus always made sure she was safe in her room when not with himself, or the Dream Team.  
  
Once he was sure Hermione was safe within her bed, and no longer crying, Severus left. Back he went to the dungeons, to his solace. There was a heaviness about him, a sense of loss. For in the time it took him to reach his rooms, Deatheaters had secreted Hermione away to the Dark Lord.  
  
Severus walked into his bedchamber, and was met by Voldemort's crow, baring a letter. If he lived an eternity Snape would never forget the words scrawled upon the parchment...  
  
I have the "Mudblood."  
  
His heart beat like humming birds' wings against his chest. If anything happened to Hermione he would never forgive himself. The Potions master's cool mask had fallen, and he was racing through the halls of Hogwarts to the headmaster's office.  
  
Vowing on everything he could think of, that as long as no harm came to Hermione, he would walk away from her. Severus would allow her to live in the light, to never be touched by his darkness again. These were his sins to pay for not hers.  
  
The Gargoyle in front of the headmasters stairs jumped to the side as Severus approached. It was as if Doumbledore already knew he was coming. Well, Merlin help that old codger, if anything happens to her. Let him help them all, because no one would be safe without Hermione in his life.  
  
"Severus, I have been expecting you. Sit down." The twinkle had gone out of Albus's eyes.  
  
"I don't want to sit. I want the Dark Lord before me so I can kill him with my bare hands." Severus paced the room in his agitation.  
  
"We don't know what he will do with her. You can't just run in there blind, Severus. You must..." He never got the chance to finish.  
  
"I am tired of taking orders from The Dark Lord, and I have long since tired of doing the same with you. I am going to her; there is nothing and no one that will stop me." The Potions Master made for the door and was gone from the office in an instant.  
  
He had almost made his escape good when Potter and Weasley came around the corner at a run. It was Weasley who spoke when they came to a halt.  
  
"Well, what are you going to do now, Snape?" His voice was an angry hiss.  
  
"Mr. Weasley, if you will step aside. I was just going to rescue your brains, before finals." There was electricity hanging in the air between them, neither moving.  
  
It was common knowledge that the youngest Weasley brother had been beaten out by the professor. The buzz about Hogwarts was that Ron was so angry when he found out about Snape that he swore he would hex him. But nothing ever came of it, and Severus had a sneaking suspicion that Hermione had intervened on his behalf. He didn't deserve her, could never deserve her.  
  
"We're coming with you." Potter had piped up now. "Hermione means just as much to us as she does to you." His voice was calm and even, not once giving away the worry Severus knew was beneath the surface.  
  
"Get out of my way boys. There is no room for playing hero here." Severus pushed past them, knowing full well that they would follow.  
  
Harry and Ron kept close to their professor as he led them out onto the grounds of the castle. They were moving at break neck speed to the gates, once there all three of them locked hands and disapperated together with a series of loud pops.  
  
It was like a firework display outside Voldemort's lair. When Severus had joined hands with Harry, a portkey was left behind. They had been followed by the whole of The Order Of the Phoenix. There would be no surprise attack to save Hermione.  
  
The imbeciles that chose to trust Albus Doumbledore had announced their arrival. Severus rested his eyes on the two boys next to him.  
  
"Professor, he said they wouldn't come unless we needed them." Harry wore a look of outrage. They all knew what would happen to Hermione now that the Dark Lord knew Severus wasn't alone.  
  
Severus was about to say that he didn't blame Harry or Ron, he knew that was what Hermione would do, and he thought it was honorable. But he never got the chance as Doumbledore descended upon them.  
  
"Severus, in all the years I have known you, never have I found you irrational. What were you thinking of?" His eyes were a blue storm.  
  
"What you mean, is that you have never known me to think for myself. Well, you can thank yourself for that Albus. Did you never think of stopping her, from being with me?" Severus was furious at everyone, but none more then Doumbledore and Voldemort, for their hold on him.  
  
There was a collective gasp from both Harry and Ron; they hadn't known that the headmaster was in on Snape, and Hermione. Severus had wondered why Albus hadn't stepped in and fired him for the unconventional professor student relationship.  
  
"I was giving the house elf, a hat." Doumbledore looked at the man before waiting for the meaning of his words to sink in. "Severus, my boy, you deserved to have happiness in your life."  
  
Severus, for once in his life hadn't an answer for him. All at once the absurdity of it all hit him. "So, you sent Hermione to me as a reward, for being your lap dog? She is not a form of currency!" This was stupid, they were arguing and Hermione could be dying as they stood there.  
  
"We will talk of this later." Those were his last words to the headmaster before the fight between the Order and the Deatheaters broke out.  
  
There were many who fell on both sides. Yet those falling on the side of the Order were still students, and had long lives ahead of them. Too many had died for this cause, and more were dying all around him as he fought his way to the castle ruins.  
  
Severus burst into what appeared to be a room for torture. There in the middle of the room strapped between two columns, was Hermione. She was clad in only the white dress shirt he had given her for bed. Her hair spilled around her face, and her hands were outstretched, making her look like a pagan sacrifice.  
  
His heart was heavy with the thought that anyone would use her to get to him. Albus giving her to him as a reward for doing his bidding. The Dark Lord using her as bait to force his hand. Hermione should not have been brought into this.  
  
She was innocence personified. Severus ran to her side, his robs billowing out about him. Hermione, dropped against him as he freed her battered form, from her confines. He noticed there was blood and tears staining her cheeks, as he pushed long strands of hair out of her eyes.  
  
A low cackle came from behind them, "Severus," Voldemort hissed. "How touching?" Slowly as if gliding across the floor he came to stop a foot in front of them.  
  
Severus made for his wand with his free hand, but was hampered by Hermione's dead weight. Too late he noticed The Dark Lord already drew his wand, "Expelliarmus!"  
  
The wand flew from Severus' grip along with Hermione, who was now in a heap, next to it. There was a serge of adrenalin running through the Potions Master, as he lunged for Voldemort. But his actions weren't quick enough, and a searing pain like lighting took over him.  
  
"Cruciatus." Severus withered in pain beneath his once powerful master. "Well, Severus, it seems you have come to the end of the line." Raising his wand, Voldemort was reading to cast the killing curse. The only cures he every enjoyed casting.  
  
"Voldemort!" He averted his eyes from the man at his feet.  
  
Across the room of torture Hermione knelt, unable to stand. Her body screamed for her to just let go, give into the inevitable. She couldn't leave him there to die, she would sentencing herself to the same fate.  
  
"You, child, are wasting my time. It ends now." Voldemort didn't even have time to raise his wand, out of no where Hermione taped into a blinding speed.  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" Her voice echoed about the room, as the once powerful Dark Lord fell. There was a brilliant green light emanating from Voldemort's wand, and right before her eyes ghosts of his past spells spilled forth. All the curses he had cast, the lives he had taken, were set free.  
  
Severus now catching his breath, after being released; walked over to her. "Give me the wand, Hermione."  
  
There were dark circles under her eyes, and they no longer shown with the light of innocence. In that instant Severus Snape knew that she had been touched by darkness, his darkness. He had to let her go, no matter what the price.  
  
...And the ecstasy of grief.  
  
There was a great feast upon their return to Hogwarts. Doumbledore made one of his never-ending speeches, and dinner went on for hours. The only thing that Severus wanted to do after all that had happened was retreat to his dungeons.  
  
The war was over, he could now lead a normal life. Do and see things he never thought he would; yet there was a feeling of emptiness with in him. Hermione had to leave in a few days, her life would never be the same.  
  
Hermione followed him to his chambers that evening, and a battled in sued. He had to make her understand that she needed to grow, even the most beautiful flower wilted without light.  
  
"But, Severus you are my light, and my life." Tears streamed down her cheeks uncheck.  
  
Why couldn't she see she was ripping him apart inside? "No, I have deiced we can't go on like this. You will leave in two days time. Don't try to contact me, I won't answer your call."  
  
He had seen it in her eyes, the moment when realization dawned upon her. Hermione's trembling ceased, and her voice was a soft whisper over his skin. "I never needed your protection. I am a big girl Professor, and the dark doesn't scare me."  
  
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shattered and dank...Without passion, we'd be truly dead.  
  
Severus avoided all contact with the students and staff. Appearing only for the Leaving Feast, not even bothering to stay at the head table until the end. He went into a dark corner of the Great Hall, the same one Hermione found him in the night of the Yule Ball. That was were he watched her, waiting to see a shadow of the Hermione he knew. Yet she never showed, there was only an empty shell. He watched her go through the motions, of saying goodbye to her friends, and then take her leave.  
  
Severus thought about going to her, but the vow he made to himself about setting her free stood in his way. He knew he had hurt her, that she would have followed him to the mouth of hell and back.  
  
Why did she have to be so loving with him? He never asked for any of this, and yet in a way he had. Hermione was the only person who held the answer to his loneliness, letting her go was his gift to her. The way passion was her gift to him.  
  
Slowly, Severus closed the book before him, he hadn't slept since yesterday morning. It didn't really matter he had gone on less sleep, but he had wanted to say goodbye to her at Hogsmead. It was too late now, the train would be leaving in fifteen minutes; on it would be all his hopes and dreams.  
  
"Damn it all to hell." Severus said to the empty room before him. Getting up he grabbed his robes pulling them on as he left his rooms. He made his way through Hogwarts, out onto the sprawling lawns, and down to the main gate. With five minutes he disapperated outside the gates, and into Hogsmead.  
  
Hermione stood on the platform looking left and right. It was as if she had lost something. "Are you looking for something, Miss Granger?" His voice like satin over skin.  
  
She turned and threw her arms about his neck pulling him to her in a kiss. As she pulled her lips from his, Severus felt longing. "No, everything I could ever want is right here." Severus captured her lips with his in a demanding kiss, as the Hogwarts Express pulled out of the Hogsmead station. 


End file.
